Islamiat Notes The Manners of Meating and Talking Lecture No. 12

Lecture No. 12

Topic: THE Manners of Meating and talking



Definition of  Good Manners (Etiquettes)

·        To create a praise able condition in personal word and deed.
·        Allama Syoti defines about etiquettes in following words
           
            “ Take action with resolute mind on noble qualities”.
           
·        Etiquettes is such admirable efforts of human from which one can achieves any preference or any status.
·        From these following conversation it is proved that Etiquette is such deed or such speech on which human takes continue actions, due to then people admire him and from which human world  achieve any status or any superiority.

RULES AND PROPRIETIES OF MEETING

            In all civilized societies , there have always been some particular forms of greeting ,as an expression of respect , affection or formal recognition, upon meeting a person .In our own country , the Hindus say Namaste on meeting or arrival , and also Ram , Ram, Among the Christians, it is customary to salute with the words like ,Good morning, or Good evening.
            Among the Arabs, too, before the advent of Islam, similar forms of salutation were in vogue. It is stated in Sunnah Abi Dawood, on the authority of the Companion, Imran Ibn Hussein, Before the advent of Islam we used to say An’ma Allah u bika a’ in  (My Allah grant coolness to your eyes ) and An’im sabaah ( My your morning be happy ) while greeting one another. when from the darkness of perversion we emerged into the light of Islam, these formulas of salutation were forbidden and in their place, we were taught to say, As ‘ salaam –u-Alaikum (Peace be with you).
            As a little reflection will show, no better form of salutation is possible as an expression of love and regard on goodwill, It makes an excellent and most comprehensive prayer for the occasion, denoting: My Allah bestow peace and security on your .For those who are younger to us in age, it is an expression of kindness and affection, and for the elders, of regard and attention .Moreover, salaam is one of the Excellent Names of Allah In the Qur’an, the phrase, As- salaam–u-Alaikum, has been used on behalf of Allah, as a mars of favour and esteem of divine Prophet Thus, we  read :
Peace be unto Noh among the people ( Al safat , 37:79)
peace be unto Ibraheem, ( Al Safat , 37:109)
peace be unto Moosa and Haroon ( Al safat ,37:120)
peace be unto ilyas, ( Al safat , 37: 130)
peace be unto those sent ( to warn),(Al safat , 37:181)
and peace be on His slavers whom He hath chosen ,( Al safat , 37:59) .
            The Believers, too are commanded to make salutation to the Holy Prophet in these words:
            As–salaam–o–Aliaika Aiyyuhan–Nabi (peace be with thee, O Prophet)
            And the Prophet is told that when those who believed in the Divine Revelations come to him , he should say to them:
Peace be unto you your Lord has prescribed for Himself mercy.
            Similarly in the Hereafter at the time of entry into Heaven Believers will be received with these words :
Enter them in peace, ( Al Hijr 15:46) and peace be not you because ye preserved. Ah, passing sweet will be the sequel of the ( heavenly ) home.
            Anyway, there can be no better greeting than As –salaam –u- Alaikum. If the two Muslims who meet are already acquainted with each other and there exists a bond of friendship, relationship or affection between them, this form of salutation fully signifies the connection, and, on the basis of it, gives an eloquent expression to the sentiments of joy, regard, love  and well wishing. On the other hand ,if they are stranger s, it becomes a mean of introduction and the other, through it, that he is a will wisher and there obtains a spiritual tie between them .

            Be that as it may , the teaching of As –Salaam –o- Alaikum and wa’ Alaikum –mussalaam as the forms of greeting among the Muslims is a most propitious instruction of the sacred prophet and a distinctive practice of Islam .
Manners (Etiquettes) of Conversation
            Always speak the truth. Never hesitate in speaking the truth even at the greatest risk.
            Speak only when you must, and always talk with a purpose. Too much talk and useless conversation betrays a lack of seriousness. Your are accountable before Allah for every word you utter. The Angel of Allah records.
"A supervisor remains vigilant to preserve on record every speech that is uttered by his tongue."
            Always speak politely. Wear a smile on your face and a sweet tone in your speech. Always speak in a moderate voice. Do not keep your voice so low as to be inaudible to the addressee, nor raise it so loud that the addressee might be over-awed by your voice. Allah affirms:
 "Surely! the harshest of all the voices is the voice of the ass." [31 : 19]
            Do not spoil your tongue with dirty talk. Do not speak ill of others. Never indulge in backbiting. Do not complain against others. Never indulge in mimicking others to ridicule them. Do not make false promises. Never laugh at others, nor boast of your own superiority or indulge in self praise. Never get unreasonable and rash in conversation. Do not pass remarks by a disgraceful name. Avoid swearing frequently.
Always say what is just and fair regardless of any loss of yourself, your friend or relative.
"And when you say something, speak what is just even if you are talking about your relative."
            Be soft-spoken, reasonable and sympathetic in your conversation. Do not utter sharp, harsh and teasing remarks.
When women happen to talk with men, they should speak in a clear, straight, and rough manner. They ought not speak in delicate, sweet tone lest the listener should entertain any foul expectation.
            If the impudent with to entangle you in dialogue or altercation offer them 'Salaam' politely and leave them. Those who indulge in loose talk and absurd conversation are the worst lot of the Ummah.
            Keep in view the mental level and outlook of them man you are talking to so as to make him understand. If the addressee cannot hear or is unable to catch your meaning, repeat what you have said before without any resentment.
Always be brief and to the point in your talk. It is unfair to prolong discussion without rhyme or reason.
When you wish to explain the tenets of Al-Islam want to speak on the teachings of Al-Islam be simple and clear and speak in a passionate and heart-warming style. To seek reputation through oratory, to try to impress people with flowery language, to seek popularity among people, to adopt a proud and haughty mien or to deliver speeches only for the sake of fun and recreation --all these are the worst habits that corrupt the man to the core of his heart.
            Never indulge in flattery, or ingratiate with anybody. Always mind your honor and respect and avoid anything below your dignity.
            Do not interrupt and interfere in others' conversation without their permission, nor intercept others conversation in order to say something yourself. If, however, you must speak, do so with the permission of the other.
Speak slowly in a proper and dignified manner. Do not speak in a hurried manner nor indulge in fun and jokes all the time as it degrades you in the eyes of others.
If somebody puts a question to you, listen carefully to him and make an answer after careful thought. It is simply foolish to answer the questions without due consideration. If the questions are being put to somebody else, do not be officious as to give answers yourself.
            When someone is narrating something, do not say "we know already." May be he reveals something new and impresses you by his sincerity and piety.
When you talk to someone, give due regard to his age, status, and his relationship to you. Do not talk with your parents, teachers, and elders in a manner in which you would talk with your friends. Likewise, when you are talking to youngsters, speak with affection and elderly dignity.
While engaged in conversation, do not point out towards any one lest he should conceive any misunderstanding or suspicion. Abstain from eavesdropping on others.
1.                 Listen more and talk less. Do not reveal your secrets to others. Once you disclose a secret to someone, never expect it to remain a secret any more.
TAKING PERMISSION  BEFORE  ENTERING A HOUSE

            The Holy Prophet further , sad taught that when a person wants to meet anyone or go into his house or join his company , he should , first , take the permission and never go in without it , for who can tell what he is doing at that time and whether he is in a position to have a visitor or not .(1511/146)
           
             It is related by Kaldah Ibn Hanbal that once his step-brother  sufwan Ibn Umaiya , sent him to the Messenger of Allah with some milk, a young deer and a few cucumbers. It was at a time when the Prophet lived in the upper part of the valley of Makkah .Kaldah narrates, I went, with these articles, where the Prophet was, without making the salutation, or obtaining  the permission .The Prophet thereupon, told me to go back, and ask for permission by saying : As-salaam –u-Alaikum  May I come in ?
( Tirmizi and Abu Dawood)

Commentary:
           
            Sufwan  Ibn Umaiya was the son of Umaiya Ibn Khalf a well known enemy of Islam and the Holy Prophet .He had embraced Islam after the Victory of Makkah, and the incident mentioned above, probably, had taken place during the journey to it. The Holy Prophet was, then, staying at the elevated part of the Valley of Makkah called Mu’allah.
            Kaldah Ibn Hanbal did not know that if he wanted to visit anyone he should make the salutation and obtain permission before entering the house. He therefore, went straight to the sacred Prophet without observing the proprieties. The Prophet thereupon told him to go out and take the permission by saying. As-salaam-u-Alaikum My I  come in?  He, thus, not only told him what was the right thing to do no such an occasion, but, also, made him act on it, A lesson imparted in the way, obviously, is more effective.
Etiquette of Using the Toilet
          In Islam there are several rules and manners that we should follow when using the toilet. It is very important that we adhere to these rules and observe them closely. I will go into brief detail for each manner.

          First, when we enter the bathroom, we should not carry anything that has Allah's name upon it (unless there is fear for it to be lost or stolen). For women who have necklaces, bracelets, or rings that have the name Allah written on it, they should remove them before entering the bathroom.
          While using the toilet, one should not be in the sight of others and, if in an open place as in the desert, one should go far away and try to hide him or herself. This holds true especially in the case of defecation, so others do not hear obnoxious sounds or smell foul odors. Jabir said, "We were journeying with the Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, and he would only relieve himself when he was out of sight." (Ibn Majah).
          Before one enters the toilet to relieve himself one should mention the name of Allah and seek refuge in Him. Anas reported that when the Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, was about to enter the bathroom he would say, "In the name if Allah, O Allah! I seek refuge from you from the male and female noxious being (devils)." (Related by "the group").
          One should not talk in the lavatory. "One should not respond to a greeting or repeat what the caller of prayer is saying. He may speak if there is some necessity (e.g., to guide a blind man who fears he may be harmed).
          Ibn 'Umar related that a man passed by the Prophet, upon whom peace be, and greeted him while he (the Prophet) was urinating. The Prophet did not return his greeting. (Related by "the group" except for al-Bukhari) .
          In other cultures we are used to all going to the bathroom and conversing with each other. Especially the women always take their friends with them to the bathroom. We must not fall into the same mistake the non Muslims make, especially when the Prophet (PBUH) had advised us otherwise.
          If one has to relieve himself in an open place he should avoid places that are shaded and areas where people tread and congregate. Abu Huraira reported that the Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, said, "Beware of those acts that cause people to curse." They asked, "What are those acts?" He said, "Relieving yourself in people's walkways or in their shade." (Ahmad, Muslim, and Dawud).
          One should thoroughly sprinkle his private parts with water after cleaning himself. If he doubts that some urine comes out from him he can also sprinkle his underwear with water and then if he feels some dampness or wetness later he can confirm that it is only water.
Points of Interest:
          One should not use a hole in the ground, if in an open place like the desert, to relieve oneself.
One should not clean oneself with the right hand.
One should remove any bad smell from one's hands after cleaning oneself.
One should enter the bathroom with the left foot and exit with the right foot.

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